Have I figured it out now that I am 23?

Hello! How is life? This is Lifeline. 

I had a long hiatus from writing for I was overwhelmed with how life unfolds before my eyes for the past months or, should I say, a year. Everything came to me in ways that are both good and bad. I learned and survived some, and some I was honestly defeated.

I had the heart to rekindle this blog for I was motivated when people started asking me, "When are you going to write again?" or "I am still waiting for another one." I am very flattered when people asked or told me those. It assures me that somehow my writing has reached the hearts and minds of other people. Somehow, I touched them. To those who knew me, one way to know me best is through my writing. You will know me better when you started reading me in between the lines.

I am in my best self when I started to type my feelings and thoughts and encapsulate it through these words that later on I wouldn't believe I was capable of expressing. And for those who have endured, thank you. And for those who did not, thank you for trying.

And yet this article is just a little catch-up of what happened to the writer behind this website and to justify the hiatus that no one asked for. Prior to my disappearance, I wrote my last blog about Country Road, Take Me Home. To be honest, that was my run-to article whenever I felt stressed about where I am right now.

Take this blog as a sequel to that blog. 

"How can a person know everything at 18 but nothing at 22?"

This I asked in my previous blog. 

But have I figured it out now that I am 23? 

Yes, a year has passed. So much happened for a year. And here I am, letting myself be read again by my friends and family who have long waited for this write-up.

Two things happened with one bottom line: I came back to the academe. Yes!!! I came back to the university I graduated from. First, I became a college instructor. Second, I enrolled in law school. See, so much happened for a year.

Last June 11, 2023, I released my blog, crying my heart out because it was the first time I felt lost. I thought I was very sure of where I am going. I was pressured by the fact that I have not started anything yet – not employed and not doing anything.

I breathed in and breathed out. It took me only a few minutes to compromise with myself. Truth be told, I was very anxious that eventually the longer I feel that I am lost and nowhere to go, the more that I will be oblivious of the path where I intend to go. To take one step is the most difficult thing I did. I only took one step forward and forgot about everything.

I only took one step forward and forgot about everything. This includes my plans, the timelines, the bucket lists, the checklists, the goals, the 10-year promise, and everything that pressured me to my core. It only took me one step.

After which, I landed a very good temporary job from a government agency. It was project-based. I was tasked to document a capacity development training which I enjoyed so much. As a Political Science graduate, I was very confident that I can contribute and relate so much in all of those activities they went through.

I was also elated because, along the program, I was able to assist people in educating them how they should do it and what is the process of those 'capdev' programs. The speaker even approached me after her part whether I am interested in joining their agency provided that I have a knowledge which she believed would contribute to the agency. I smiled and she knew the answer.

I was assigned to different municipalities, at most three. It was really fun because it was a way for me to relax my mind while getting paid. It was such a dream to live on those days. Work and play. I hopped from one hotel to another. It was definitely a very good learning experience, and undeniably, an adventure that is one for the books.

I would really love to do it all over again. Hopefully, they will rollout another capacity development training.

Then, I signed up for law school. It was almost a hard pass because I thought a master's degree would do me good than a Juris Doctor degree. And yet, I have to recall those days where having a prefix of Atty. in my name would motivate me to study loads of learning materials given to us in college.

Current table set-up. [My table is my kingdom.]

Also, I was offered to be sent to law school. I took the chance while an opportunity knocked. I believe an opportunity will not find you when you are not deserving of it. So if it comes to you, take it. There is no other option.

I enjoyed law school, to be honest. It was the kind of difficult that I never had the heart to even consider quitting from it. Of course, there are times where it crosses my mind to stop going to law school, but definitely for another factor and not a willful one.

Adulthood will strike us like lightning. We will not be able to dodge it, unless otherwise fate is in our favor.

I gained friends. I rekindled with my Senior High School bestie and Political Science buddies, and they became my Law School Buddies. Our group of friends grew; we were introduced from mutual friends, colleagues, etc. And thus, we were formed.

The friend group whose love language are words of defamation and discrimination. We became comfortable with each other, helping one another during recitation, arguing with each other about a case, justifying our wrong answers from the exams, consoling each other during a bad recit, and celebrating together during the good ones.

Until someone leaves. For me, as a girl with an exaggerated attachment issue, it broke my heart when some of our friends made a choice to stop. However, they are the master of their own lives as much as I am to mine. Therefore, I have to respect their decision.

I am very hopeful still that they will come back, although they have already confirmed their comeback; still, I will pray that nothing can ever change their mind again.

How to survive law school? I don't know yet. I am still too far from the bar examination. However, on my end, I count by semesters so that it will be shorter compared to years. Now, I have two semesters down, six more to go.

But kidding aside, find a good circle of friends when you want to go to law school. I am very lucky that I was able to find a circle that encourages each other instead of trying to compete with each other.

Do you know what I like the most about my friends? It is always those times and days when we had our fair share of bad recitations that, whenever we contemplate our answers as we walk along the ramps, we say "Bawion nako ni sunod recits." I always admire their resilience and willingness to learn.

It is true that law school will humble you. For the purpose of this topic, I graduated Magna Cum Laude from Political Science. But when I stepped into law school, it seemed as though I am one of the dumbest among the wisest people there exists.

I survived my first year through God's grace. He blessed me through my grit that I was able to discipline myself to religiously read, read, and read. Because, let's be honest, who would really love to read all day?

Furthermore, the topics of those readings are, if not gruesome, very complex, to the point that you just stop there and ask yourself - "what was that?" Eventually, you will get the hang of it. And the hang of your professor's confused face translated "what the hell is this woman talking about?" during your recitation. 

Time passed by so fast. Who knew my hiatus from this blog led me to surviving first year in law school? It was a fun adventure in the first year. Now, I am in my third semester of conquering law school. Hopefully, I will be able to finish it through this semester. In God's grace.

But it was worthwhile. The sweat, anxiety, being sleep-deprived, cram, all of those are worth it. Finishing the semesters were already a reward for me who is working alongside studying law. Truly an uphill battle, but I was able to make it for now. Hopeful that I will sustain it until the end of my Juris Doctor degree.

Overall, it was fun. Highly recommended to my friends and students to try.

You will never know unless you try.

Second important thing that happened to me while I was on hiatus, I became a college instructor teaching in the Political Science program. Those courses that I was very invested in when I was in college, I teach them now to my students. I am continuously learning but this time, with students.

Did you know that this was an answered prayer? I told you in my last blog that when I was in college, I have always figured out what I will be doing and where I am going. It is only after graduation that the bizarre feeling of being lost lingered with me for quite some time.

When I was in college, we had a conversation with my college friends as to our plans in the future. I made sure to tell them that if I will enroll myself to law school, I will be teaching in college at the same time. It is the proper avenue to retain my lessons in law school. And so I did.

This is the very reason why, albeit how exhausted I become from work, I will never complain that I don't love this job because I prayed for this. This was given to me because I asked this. I know, for sure, God did not give this to me without any reason. With that alone, I am blessed.

I love teaching. I am quite sure I figured that out when I was in college. I sure love those days when my classmates would surround me and ask me to explain about a concept, a lesson, or an idea.

It has become a habit whenever a quiz or an exam is upcoming. I learned to argue out from this – to justify my answers, to build a love and hate relationship with my classmates while we sweat from defending our point of views every discussion, or to win or lose an argument.

Those were the highlight of my Political Science days. Who would have known that I will make it today? God only knew. It was a blessing, indeed, that I came this far. And yet, I am still too far from where I am going.

These days, there are so many things that are trying to hold me back. But I really don't want to wake up someday and regret that I shouldn't have given up. So, I continue, every single day.

Eventually, I learned to surf the tide. If this is the high time to enjoy the adversity, I am getting good at it. But to be honest, I am worried about my emotional state. For now, that is another piece of me that I have to work on.

One step at a time. I hope you can too. :)

These are the Bible verses that I cling unto when life gets the best of me: Proverbs 31:25, Isaiah 60:22, and Jeremiah 29:11.

Definitely on track,

In this Life Line.